Well, I know it's been a few days, but to be honest, I've been in bed. The first few days after I broke up with Tony I felt fine. Then one night, as I lay in bed it hit me, did I break up with him or did he break up with me? Really, what did he mean when he said, "I never want to see you again?" Could it be that I didn't break up with him because he smells and loves John Stinking Denver? Could it be that he broke up with me because I am "the most self-centered person he's even known"? Anyway, those thoughts, as ridiculous as they may seem now, were very real to me a few days ago and so I stayed in bed for 3 days. I didn't even get up for food or a shower. I did however, watch a lot of daytime drama and the Game Show Network. During commercials another thought kept coming to my mind and that is the topic of this post. (I believe it was induced by the game shows I was watching.)
When I read other people's blogs they say things like, "I have the best husband in the world" or "my job is the greatest" or "My kids are the most adorable" or "our home is just perfect". You get the point. My question is, how do they know that? Is there some sort of polling data collecting company out there that goes around and asks people who The Best Husband in the World is? Or are these things decided by popular vote? If so, are their regional winners and then state and national winners? Or is it smaller than that, more of a family thing? Like, in a particular family, all the men who qualify as husbands are observed and then the oldest woman of the family decides who will be dubbed "THE BEST HUSBAND". (although, that wouldn't really represent the world then would it?)
The other option is that the people making these statements have the experience on which to base these claims. So if you were to say that you have the "best husband in the world" that would mean you've actually been married to every man in the world and so you know, for a fact, that the one you presently have is, in fact, the best one. (what are the chances of the last man you pick being the best one? How long will this one last?) This would also mean that if you say your kids are the most adorable, you have actually seen EVERY child and now know for a fact, that yours are the most adorable.
Now I'm not the brightest crayon in the box, but even with commercials running in the back ground, I'm thinking no one could actually KNOW they have the best of anything. SO that leaves us to the first options, which are the Poll or Popular Vote. I had no idea such things existed. Do people run for these positions or do you just live your life and hope everyone notices that you have the MOST ADORABLE KIDS? I lean more toward a Polling situation, since that would be more random and would also explain why I've been a citizen and registered voter for years and have never been notified of a best of anything election. (outside the realm of politics of course.)
SO if any of you know how these things work please advise me, I'd love to vote for my Uncle Louie, who in spite of banging his head on the coffee table, is a really great guy.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
Viola,
Yes, in fact there is a way to determine if your spouse is the best there is. It is very risky stuff, though. One must be careful not to get in too deep. Apparently when you apply for a marriage license, a secret encrypter chip is implanted on the document. Then after that document has resided in your home for the first year after your nuptials, BIG BROTHER will view the material from its big satellite in the sky. Each year they will contact the lucky couple to tell them of their new "BEST MARRIAGE" status. NOw, like I said you must be very careful with this, because once involved with something that invasive on such a personal level, it can lead to all sorts of other intrustions. They will begin asking for all sorts of favors and information from the lucky couple. Perhaps try to have encrypter chips implanted in their friends homes, etc. If you know someone who seem quite adamant that their spouse is truly the BEST, be very leery of your contact. They could be out for more info on you. Who knows? Your whole business venture with Puss-n-Boots may be being watched by BIG BROTHER. Be careful. Be very careful.
Sincerely,
Hortencia Hubbleschnickinbotham
This seems very tricky to me..I mean it's all relative right..who determines "best" or "worst" wrong/right...black/white..you get my drift...I mean I might like guys who have red-headed pony tails..wear kerchiefs..and sing sad, whiny songs..that might not be everyone's cup of tea..so there CAN NOT be any real winners here..so BIG BROTHER is wasting his time here...but you and P&B still better watch out. Obviously, EVERYONE should start qualifying EVERYTHING..."to me" the best husbanc, etc...wouldn't THAT make life less stressful?!
(And there's no man sadness that 3 days in bed w/no shower..but I assume plenty of chocolate and ice cream?, can't solve:) Blessings on your deep thoughts: HC
I think that it would be helpful to break up the polls into small segments. Someone could actually set up a blog just for the voting. Then it would be possible for one to say "I have the best husband in the CHM" or "I have the cutest kids in my church". I don't think that would lead to any confict. Do you?
It bothers me that so many make invalid claims. It just leads you to wonder who is really real in the whole blogging world.
We never found the dead cat, so let me know if any more of yours kick the bucket let me know.
Puss-N-Boots
Hortencia;
I've heard of this chip thing on late late late night TV. I think the show is called "OUT THERE". Anyway, as much as HC tries to deny it, I think you're on the right track. People who say things like, "I have the most precious kids in the world" are just asking for you to say, "how do you know?" The next move is them slapping a chip in your back and BIG BROTHER is there.
HC;
Even if we don't agree on BIG BROTHER, I do agree that if people would qualify there statements, it would be less confusing and stressful.
P.I.B:
Try Antifreeze, it works.
Also, I like the sub-category idea. Then I could say, "I have the best life in my house."
If you would accept some criticism from someone who is perhaps a little more mature and knowledgeable than it appears you or your commentors are, I think you could all learn something.
The whole premise of your observation is ridiculous because you don't understand the basic problem. The real problem isn't whether there is any validity to the claim of "The best of..." The real problem has to do with those who make the claim. All of them are liars and aren't really concerned with whether what they are claiming is true or not! They are only interested in making themselves look better! Obviously, when they say, "I have the most adorable children in the world!", they are really saying, "I have the most adorable children in the world because they were blessed to have ME for their parent!" YUCK! How self-serving! It is reprehensible and disgusting! If what they were saying were true, they wouldn't have to tell everybody because everyone could just look and evewryone would then be able to tell them that! Then they would know their children were the most adorable children in all the world because people would tell them that!
That happens to me all the time.
Post a Comment